My Friends' Moms

I love this piece. Thinking of all of my friends' moms growing up, and the Navy moms on different bases, and my own delightful friends who mother my own kids, too, in their own way.

The New Yorker, My Friends' Moms

The Royal Me

Cultural Emblems

Certain book and movie events, such as the recent movie about an abusive relationship portrayed as a romance, are worth considering as believers not because they are unique, but because of the reverse.

I haven't seen 50 Shades of Grey, but my understanding from reports (which emanate and titillate from every possible news source) is that this movie affirms, even valorizes, sadomasochism. If so, this movie, rather than being the cutting-edge phenomenon heralding a new sexuality, is actually emblematic of the long-time sexual identity of our western culture, in which the only boundary or guideline is consent.

The book series sounds like a charter for The Divine Right of the Consenting. The movie sounds like a sermon preaching the one moral value for sexual behavior in western culture today: The First Commandment of Consent. The celebrants snicker and gather to worship with a resounding "Amen-ything Goes -- as long as you have signed here, and initialed here, and here, and here..." (Be sure to read the fine print!)

Believers need to identify pagan and secular creeds in order to answer them. So it's important we at least note these cultural markers and icons as they come along. (And if you've ever read the Old Testament you should not be surprised when they do. A thorough reading of Scripture precludes naivete.)

Emblems both define and differentiate.

When pagan creeds are widely broadcast and affirmed, we are given clarity about the world we live in and our neighbors suffer daily in; they help pinpoint its dark places. They help clear away confusion and foggy thinking and give us an urgency for the gospel.

And as a sort of bas relief or photo-negative, they also help us identify the ideas, practices, and people who are nurturing spiritual, mental, and physical health and wholeness.

The spirit of the anti-Christ has to do with whoring Babylon and an "I did it my way" religion. In other words, if I consent and you consent (though even that latter part's a bit wobbly -- maybe you "consent" under the influence of alcohol or manipulations), who is to say we are wrong? Certainly no god but myself. The Royal Me.

And what is the most natural place for this rejection of the first human relationship -- the one between the real God and man -- to nestle? In the heart of the very second human relationship -- woman and man.

The Garden and the Ghetto

That nascent and beautiful marriage of a man and a woman was founded in a Garden as a bond created for love, intimacy, fellowship, fertility, communication, comfort, co-regency, and, as my friend Bill Mattox points out, as a locus of diversity (man and woman are decidedly not the same).

In a reverse world, this male-female union becomes instead a weapon warped and wedded to fear, domination, aggression, anxiety, and subtler, arm-twisting power-grabs like withholding, silent-treatments, blaming, and punishment, all enacted on the hardscrabble grey pavements of The Land of Looking Out for Number 1. The Garden exchanged for a Ghetto. As C.S. Lewis describes, we are indeed children playing at mud-pies, though offered a vacation at the seashore.

A Better Romance

But I must add that this is also no time to be discouraged. These moments of clarity not only point out what is wrong, but point out what has always been true.

We dwell on the One who gave it all to love us, who suffered that we might live, and who offers a real and true relationship. Christians enjoy the true romance of a Groom who suffered for a Bride.

He walked in our world. There is no new evil here; He came and saw it and conquered it with real, living, divine love -- the kind of love that casts out all fear.

And then we love like he does, because he first loved us. Not left to love on our own, his Spirit makes us lights in the darkness of the world and, yes, even the bedroom. This radiant and wholesome love arcs out into our families and neighborhoods. We are called to share and show all kinds of true love to people really hungry for it. We have good news to share daily not just in how we talk and how we live with our husbands, but in how we love our children, family, friends, and the whole world.

This good news -- the kind spoken in both words and deeds and beginning in our marriages -- is not only true, but healing and wholesome, infectious and irrepressible. Across the ages, even death has not been able to stop it.

Who can resist him?

***

The article below is by a clinical psychologist, and it discusses what happens to a person psychologically when sexual intimacy, fear, and aggression experiences are fused together in the human mind. (A salient but long quote from the article also below.)

Here's is the article: Hooked Up and Tied Down

And here is a quote from it, emphasis mine:

"Sexual Arousal, Aggression, and Fear

Human beings have neural networks related to sexual behavior, and these are shaped in subtle ways by our sexual experiences. We have separate neural networks related to anger and aggression, and these are shaped and strengthened when people engage in violent or domineering behaviors. We have still more separate brain maps for fear and anxiety, which are shaped and reinforced by frightening or anxiety-provoking experiences.

If you think about these three emotional experiences—sexual arousal, aggression, and fear—they are typically quite distinct emotional experiences. There is some overlap between them in terms of physical or bodily response: all three, for example, involve increases in heart rate, respiratory rate, and blood pressure, because all three involve activation of the sympathetic nervous system. And yet, for most healthy individuals, sexual arousal, aggression, and fear remain distinct emotional, cognitive, and physical experiences. This is, I will suggest, a good and healthy thing.

So these neural networks and these experiences normally remain distinct—unless our experiences begin to fuse them together. When this fusion happens, the brain gets confused. And this is exactly what happens when people experiment with sadomasochistic sexual practices. These distinct neural networks and brain maps become fused according to Hebb’s principle: neurons that fire together wire together. Once this happens, aggression automatically triggers sexual arousal. Or fear and anxiety automatically trigger sexual interest. When this fusion of neural networks becomes pronounced, people often will present to the psychiatrist with clinical problems. Patients complain, for example, that they cannot get aroused unless they get aggressive or violent. Or they complain that they become involuntarily aroused whenever they experience fear. Once these distinct neural networks are fused, the person is—at the level of the brain—literally tied down.

....Before making decisions about our sexual behaviors, we need to ask ourselves some questions about what we want to be doing to our brain and our body—what kind of neural tracks and networks do we want to be reinforcing through these behaviors? Do we want to be fusing sex and love? Sex and security? Sex and attachment or commitment? Sex and fidelity? Sex and trust? Sex and unselfishness? Or do we want to be fusing in our brain and in our experiences sex and violence? Sex and dominance? Sex and submission? Sex and control? We shape our brain by our choices. And we develop increasingly automatic and ingrained habits by our repeated choices. But the initial choice of which path we embark upon is up to us."

Old Quotes for a New Year

Stumbled across a few good quotes, the kind that help bring perspective in a sentence or two.

"In my walks, every man I meet is my superior in some way, and in that I learn from him." Ralph Waldo Emerson

This pre-dates a piece of advice I've heard that Newt Gingrich gives about his approach to cocktail party conversation, and captures a notion that has gotten my introvert-ish self through 10 schools growing up, through 24 moves, and through numerous parties and meet-and-greets.

In social situations, you can retire from people and shrink away, you can buck up and suffer through, or you can enter conversation with a goal of figuring out what a person has to teach or share with you. People are brilliant--even (especially?) the boring- or different-seeming ones. Everyone has a speciality or experience to tell. Trying to figure it out acknowledges the image-bearer in each one of us and has a side benefit of making things more interesting for everyone. You can view casual conversation as a treasure hunt or a torture chamber. Humility helps you do the former.

"You want to know the difference between a master and a beginner? The master has failed more times that the beginner has even tried." Unknown [anyone?]

Echoes of T. Roosevelt's "person in the arena" quote. In our hyper-critical, hypocritical, knee jerk, tabloidesque, lack-of-context culture, you can plunge in a do-fail-learn-succeed approach -- and a try-sin-repent-grow spirituality -- or you can shrink back. Courage helps you do the former.

"What you do in your house is worth as much as if you did it up in heaven for our Lord God. We should accustom ourselves to think of our position and work as sacred and well-pleasing to God, not on account of the position and work, but on account of the word and faith from which the obedience and work flow." Martin Luther 

Good news for everyday people who are busy doing regular work for God and other people.

The guy administering vaccinations in Appalachia and the guy manufacturing the plastic for the syringes are both doing God's work, if they do it for him. Faithfulness in small, everyday things.

"In raising children, I have lost my mind but found my soul." Lisa Shepherd

The secular, and humorous, version of "Yet she will be saved through childbearing--if they continue in faith and love and holiness." (1 Timothy 2:15) Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

The Case for the Mundane

(Re-posting)

A letter to a gifted prep school friend

Dear Friend,

You are caught up in a hundred little deaths of your soul these days. You are forced to sit through classes which are beneath you.

You know more about these books, these histories; you understand them better than your peers. You are better read, even, than some of your teachers, at least in a certain academic sense.

In other classes you are made to study material you know you will never use as an adult. Odds are good you won't need that quadratic formula in graduate school or in catching the bus or in cooking your dinner.

And this is an indignity. You, O Suburban Minion, must abide the endless chores of polite conversation, lunchroom shufflings, leading questions, obvious observations, endless chores, polite conversation....

You have better taste.

Every day you are forced to eat food lacking in subtlety, speak to people lacking in insight and nuance, and grind through homework assignments lacking in imagination and spark, taught by adults who punch the card when you include "setting," "characters," and an ample amount of ham-handed adverbial verbiage.

Similes that sit like a knuckle sandwich in your mouth.

What's the use? Where are Sartre and Camus and Kerouc and Woolf in all of this mundane flotsam and jetsam? Where is the Green Knight?

Where is Keats in this tedious homework assignment to analyze Fanny Brawne -- 'til the Bright Star herself becomes thick-limbed, ugly, and graceless with dead eyes? Nothing like the sun.

Oh to be one of those noted intellectuals! Those brilliant sparks, caught up in thought and conversation, and not hampered by The Daily Bourgeois of suburban high school and carpool line and vacuuming the stairs.

Oh to feed that bright fire of the mind, all day, with people who understand and appreciate the heat!

Yet, you are well-read. What about those characters you know so well?

What about Saruman in his tall tower hanging in the thin air far above the plains and the little men and the beasts.

What about Uncle Andrew and Queen Jadis, and their "high and lonely destiny"?

What about Wells' Invisible Man, and his lone scientific pursuit of autonomy, fed by a withered heart lacking in human connection?

What if Dr. Frankenstein was a monster and the Monster had a soul?

What about Virginia's Lighthouse? Did it help her see the rocks?

And you have read the intellectual greats. What if:

What if many of those ivory tower intellectuals were tiresome bores in the pub or the parlor?

What if it would be insufferable to share just one drink with them? What if they were the ones everyone avoided at the cocktail party or on the street?

What if they were people that made other people look at the clock to mutter about appointments and traffic and "needing to go, so nice to touch base with you...."

What if -- in their rejection of humility, humanity, and the simplicity of duty -- they lost touch with glory, divinity, and the deeply complex?

What if, in their single-minded pursuit of truth and beauty in isolation -- in the rarefied company of themselves and their toadying salons -- they lost both. (Truth and beauty, that is.)

What if we all felt sorry for their wives and children and dogs and next door neighbors?

And more.

What if Mother Teresa was a genius and Sartre was a fool (himself telling tales full of sound and fury, signifying nothing)?

What if Einstein practiced piano scales daily as a kid?

What if the capitalist down the street is a philanthropist, the humanist down the street is a misanthropist, the scholar is a bigot, and the small town sheriff is a sage?

What if theology is the queen of the sciences?

It's complicated, isn't it?

Think:

What if we maintain our connection to the divine, in part, by maintaining our relationship with the human?

What if we love God in part by loving others and performing daily duties?

What if even the Word Himself became flesh. And dwelt among us.

And what if to love and know and learn, we have to go where the unwashed they are, and live where the un-nuanced they live, and eat their casseroles, vegetables, and drink their iced tea, and do their homework assignments?

And in meeting with daily life and daily people, what if we find not just truth and beauty, but also ourselves right there?

What if we find that we, in fact, are just another one of them: merely a co-regent of all creation. (Nothing big.)

My friend, what if we find our best selves in the mundane performance of daily duties that bring order and abundance, done with love, joy, and humility?

Here is your next homework assignment for "Life 101"

* Read the Gospel of John to yourself aloud and slowly
* Read "The Practice of the Presence of God" by Brother Andrew
* Read "Intellectuals" by Paul Johnson
* Discuss with your fellow co-regents. (Ie, your middle class parents, teachers, and friends. You might be surprised at how much they know.)

Sincerely,
An old friend, who once hated homework, wore black turtlenecks, and choked on both gnats and Camels

Single Moms in North Texas

I want to draw your attention to two Christian ministries people in our church are heavily involved in here in North Texas.

This is really a "genius scenario" as it turns out -- the first ministry provides counseling and assistance to women with unplanned pregnancies, and the second ministry provides shelter and career counseling for single mothers who need it. In both ministries mothers will receive not only physical help but the gospel. Living water and material sustenance and guidance to help them get on their feet and provide for themselves and their children.

Please consider finding out more about these ministries, sharing information with people who made be in need, and giving if you are led. Both are in McKinney Texas.

Hope Resource Center

Shiloh Place

One Critique of "Courtship:" Or, Why DO We Have to Go Steady?

Mid-century (as in non-"courtship") American dating practices can remove heavy pressure and unwholesome emotional intensity in dating, and promote young people gaining wisdom and knowledge about the kind of person they should marry. This guys asks -- what about the good, old-fashioned casual date of a movie and ice cream? (Remember Elisabeth and Jim Elliot and their "coke dates"?)

How "Courtship" Is Flawed

Something Good Happened in Russia

A report from the Russian Orthodox Church on an international gathering of government officials, clergy, and others: "International Forum on the Large Family and the Future of Humanity" 

'Addressing the forum, Patriarch Kirill said in particular, “The large family is a phenomenon that influences very many because the large family is an example of how people build a very solid community by dedicating their life to others. The large and healthy family is a factor defining the moral health of the whole society. That is my profound conviction and for this reason I support all the events and the program which you have carried out in cooperation with like-minded people from many countries of the world”.

In his speech, Metropolitan Hilarion stated a demographic crisis in Russia and Europe caused among other things by the crisis of the family, “especially the crisis of the large family. The life of a large family in today’s Russia is an everyday hard work and feat; it is a life against all the patterns of a society of comfort”. Among the acute problems impeding the preservation of moral family climate in Russia is an enormous number of abortions. Metropolitan Hilarion called for solidarity of all religious confessions and all people of good will in the efforts “to safeguard the family against challenges of the secular world thus protecting our future."'

The Art of Saying Thank You

The New York Times' Guy Trebay discusses Jimmy Fallon, emoticons, and thank-you notes.

It's hip to write on a little paper square.

"'What they want...is to draw a distinction between the tossed-off, compressed nature of electronic messages and a form of ritualized communication that gives material evidence 'that the person really did appreciate something.'”

Spring Poems: Emily Dickinson, "A Narrow Fellow in the Grass"

A narrow fellow in the grass 

BY EMILY DICKINSON

A narrow fellow in the grass

Occasionally rides;

You may have met him—did you not

His notice sudden is,

The grass divides as with a comb,

A spotted shaft is seen,

And then it closes at your feet,

And opens further on.

He likes a boggy acre,  

A floor too cool for corn,

But when a boy and barefoot,

I more than once at noon

Have passed, I thought, a whip lash,

Unbraiding in the sun,

When stooping to secure it,

It wrinkled and was gone.

Several of nature’s people

I know, and they know me;

I feel for them a transport

Of cordiality.

But never met this fellow,

Attended or alone,

Without a tighter breathing,

And zero at the bone.

Spring Poems: Robert Frost, "The Pasture"

The Pasture

I'm going out to clean the pasture spring;
I'll only stop to rake the leaves away
(And wait to watch the water clear, I may):
I shan't be gone long. -- You come too.

I'm going out to fetch the little calf
That's standing by the mother. It's so young,
It totters when she licks it with her tongue.
I shan't be gone long. -- You come too.

Spring poems: AE Housman, "Loveliest of Trees"

"Loveliest of Trees"

LOVELIEST of trees, the cherry now
Is hung with bloom along the bough,
And stands about the woodland ride
Wearing white for Eastertide.
Now, of my threescore years and ten,	5
Twenty will not come again,
And take from seventy springs a score,
It only leaves me fifty more.
And since to look at things in bloom
Fifty springs are little room,	10
About the woodlands I will go
To see the cherry hung with snow.

Trailing Clouds of Glory: Expansion, Inflation, Space, and Time

I think in Astronomy you see both the profound limitations and the amazing creativity and resourcefulness of human beings.

I am interested in the idea of the Big Bang. In college I wrote a paper for my Cosmology class on the findings of Arno Penzias and Robert Wilson. Please note that Cosmology at my college might have been subtitled, "Physics for Struggling People Who Came Here to Study Yeats but Somehow Have to Get Their Area Science Credit."

I think this article is a nice, accessible, readable explanation of the work of Penzias and Wilson, the implications of the Hubble telescope findings(why Hubble is such a big deal), and the implications of recent findings in Science.

LINK in Wired Magazine 

St Patrick's Breastplate

Legend says that St. Patrick wrote the words which Cecil Alexander made into an English hymn. Here is part of it:

I bind unto myself today
the strong Name of the Trinity,
by invocation of the same,
the Three in One, and One in Three.

I bind this day to me for ever,
by power of faith, Christ's Incarnation;
his baptism in Jordan river;
his death on cross for my salvation;
his bursting from the spicèd tomb;
his riding up the heavenly way;
his coming at the day of doom:
I bind unto myself today.

I bind unto myself the power
of the great love of cherubim;
the sweet "Well done" in judgment hour;
the service of the seraphim;
confessors' faith, apostles' word,
the patriarchs' prayers, the prophets' scrolls;
all good deeds done unto the Lord,
and purity of virgin souls.

I bind unto myself today
the virtues of the starlit heaven
the glorious sun's life-giving ray,
the whiteness of the moon at even,
the flashing of the lightning free,
the whirling wind's tempestuous shocks,
the stable earth, the deep salt sea,
around the old eternal rocks.

I bind unto myself today
the power of God to hold and lead,
his eye to watch, his might to stay,
his ear to hearken, to my need;
the wisdom of my God to teach,
his hand to guide, his shield to ward;
the word of God to give me speech,
his heavenly host to be my guard.

Christ be with me,
Christ within me,
Christ behind me,
Christ before me,
Christ beside me,
Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort
and restore me.
Christ beneath me,
Christ above me,
Christ in quiet,
Christ in danger,
Christ in hearts of
all that love me,
Christ in mouth of
friend and stranger.

I bind unto myself today
the strong Name of the Trinity,
by invocation of the same,
the Three in One, and One in Three.
Of whom all nature hath creation,
eternal Father, Spirit, Word:
praise to the Lord of my salvation,
salvation is of Christ the Lord.

---

Words: attributed to St. Patrick (372-466);
trans. Cecil Frances Alexander (1818-1895), 1889

What's Your Temptation?

Interesting post from Justin Taylor quoting some writers on the erosion of religious liberty in America.

Interesting to consider: which temptation are you more likely to face in cultural adversity? Silencing/suppressing your conscience OR reacting in anger or pugnaciousness?

LINK: Erosion of religious liberty

Not What Betty Friedan Had In Mind: The Working Mother Underclass

Caitlyn Flanagan (an uber-upper class working mom) writes a frank (slightly coarse language alert) discussion of feminist history, unintended consequences, and, as she says, the cruel self-service of the "smarty-pants" upper-class feminist ennobling of prosperous mothers by conflating their lot with working class and domestic laborer mothers.

For the purposes of this article, she only addresses two extremes: 1. upper-class women working strictly for self-fulfillment and 2. working-class women doing menial work full time to put food on the table. Basically -- those who hire nannies and those who are nannies.

How Serfdom Saved the Women's Movement

Beguiling

Here is a video you may have seen going around, perhaps back during the Gosnell trial. (Warning: graphic clinical descriptions and some tragic pictures in the sidebar of the YouTube clip.)

First of all, the clinical discussion of what goes on in a late term abortion is the best argument against it.

(And for the record, let's hope the person who posted this "literally" did believe what she saw and heard, or she wouldn't have posted it, right?)

Second of all, in this scenario, the white male government "suits" stick up for the rights of little babies, while the educated young doctor and bespectacled grandma-type want to make sure you personally aren't "tortured" over the fact that your mutilated, born-alive, aborted baby may be left to die on a table.

We must be shrewd. Evil does not often look evil. It does not always look like Lord Voldemort or even like  Hollywood's tired stereotypes. Evil is good at being beguiling; it can seem like the kindly, warm, and gentle option. It is very interested in "killing you softly."

As C.S. Lewis once wrote, addressing things in his day and age:

The greatest evil is not now done in those sordid "dens of crime" that Dickens loved to paint. It is not done even in concentration camps and labour camps. In those we see its final result. But it is conceived and ordered (moved, seconded, carried, and minuted) in clean, carpeted, warmed and well-lighted offices, by quiet men with white collars and cut fingernails and smooth-shaven cheeks who do not need to raise their voices.

LINK

Rosaria Butterfield on Identity

Developing one's identity by consuming "large chunks" of the Bible every day.

"But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on this law he meditates day and night. He will be like a tree, planted by streams of water..." Psalm 1

Butterfield LINK here

Abortion: a Brutal "Justice"

In this article, children conceived in rape and incest speak about the value of their lives and the injustice of abortion laws towards others like them.

What if Americans bent our minds and our resources to love and help brutalized women rather than establish laws protecting the brutalization of the children?

As one woman says in the article, why should I die because my father was evil? I think we can do better for women and children than offer death as an answer to death.

LINK

Some guidance for teens on facebook

My son has asked to get on facebook to connect with his friends. I used to be on facebook for several years, and my husband still has a page I look at from time to time. I've done a little scouting to get ideas on how to guide my son before he gets on. I know it's been trial and error for all of us. Facebook is a relatively new medium to adjust to, and it's easy for people who mean well to unintentionally send the wrong message.

On privacy: 
LINK

On what to reveal: "Self-reflect before you self-reveal:"
LINK

Some questions for teens and adults to ask themselves before they post:

-What is the main message or point of my post?

-What audience it is intended for?
Is it suitable for everyone on my friends list to read? It's wise to have a "control group" you think of in your mind before you post: Ie, "Is this something I would say to Grandma and Coach Thompson?"

-Is my post too personal for facebook's wide audience?
(Eg, "We made it through marriage counseling and, thankfully, are now more in love than ever!" "Home bound -- finished with my successful hysterectomy and off to the drugstore and bed!")

-Context: 

One aspect of the context of facebook posts is where they are being received -- offices, living rooms, bed rooms, etc.

Post yourself fully dressed. Eg, your bikini picture from Jamaica is way too far out of context in an office or living room.

And boyfriends, husbands, and fathers who post these pics: do you want men working in their offices or checking their feeds at night stumbling across a picture of your daughter/wife cavorting in a small swimsuit? Her suit may (or may not) be appropriate on the beach, but will be an eyeful when it pops upon his feed in his office or hotel room. Be a man who protects women from being objectified.

-What few things do you want to be known for? Think about the quantity of what you post on a topic.

(Adults: Unless you craft artisanal ales for a living, if every other picture has you holding a beer, or every other post is about settling in for a cocktail, you might want to reconsider what you are posting. You may be a responsible drinker but you won't look like it. Kids: if every other post is about video games -- even if you know you get all your homework done and work in a soup kitchen two nights a week and play select soccer -- you might want to reconsider what you are posting.)

-As soon as you post something, you are inviting people to have opinions about it.

Be aware that you will be judged on what you post. If you post that you are "sick with a fever and feeling exhausted and need a day off," and the next minute you post that you checked in at DSW to "splurge on new shoes!" you have just caused yourself to be taken less seriously be everyone on your friends list.

Also:

-Is is really true?
("Must Read: Laura Bush secretly married to drug lord brother of Madelyn Murray O'Hare who has controlling interest in Procter and Gamble and Pepsi!")

-Is it boastful or just celebratory?
(DO report on good things  "Here's a picture of me crossing the finish line of my first marathon!" but remember that too much self-celebratory reporting sounds like boasting. "Another day, another A. I'm on a roll!")

-Am I trolling for attention or compliments?
("Life would be a lot simpler if I didn't work so hard to help others.")

-Am I being cryptic -- intentionally or unintentionally?
("Brokenhearted, but chin up and carry on -- sigh")

-Are you regularly complaining or negative?
(First world problems? "I left my Luis Vuitton lunch satchel in the Peugeot AGAIN. When will this day end?" "Our train to Brussels was delayed and we had to stay the night at the Four Seasons. This vacation has been nothing but annoyances.")

-Is a post unkind?
("I thought I needed to lose weight until I saw the checkout lady at Wal Mart!")

-Could it embarrass me or anyone else?
("Cammie, did you get the teacher to raise your failing grade?" "Laid off from my job -- but I know my wise friend Jane knows what it's like and will give me a shoulder to cry on!")

-Would I show my post at a job interview?
("Partied all night and recovering today in my cubicle with Red Bull...ugh")

-Get approval before posting a picture of anyone at all.

-Post more pictures of family than friends.

-I've learned, do not engage in political debates on public feeds.
You may mean for your comments to sound friendly or conversational, but debates in comments sections tend to sound aggressive, and they easily escalate out of control.

If someone regularly posts things which cause you to stumble, unfriend them or "hide" their posts.

Examples of things to post:

Quotes: funny, wise, inspiring.

I have a missionary friend in China who types something she is thankful for each day. It's interesting to see the nature and variety of her posts.

"Here were are in Boothbay Harbor -- after a 2 hour drive through rain and wind, the sun came out, and we were generously rewarded with this beautiful sunset."

"Big test Friday! Hoping my caffeine-fueled studying pays off."

"Friends, as some of you have heard, Joe has cancer. Prayers appreciated as we go forward to win this!" (But you told family and close friends privately before you posted, right?)

"Check out this great article on effective home workout routines."

"What is a great place in town to get Mexican food?"

"Go Eagles! Win State!"

"Here's Mama with her famous apple bundt cake at Thanksgiving."

"We're moving to North Carolina. Excited to start a new job with new challenges, but will miss the talented folks at James and Carter Accounting." (You posted this after you resigned, right?)

"The kids enjoyed Frozen, and so did the adults. Must-see movie."

"Looking for a house to buy in Long Island? Check out my friend's 3 BR ranch near the train line."

"Interesting article on the music scene in the 60's, attached."

Informative articles on news, nutrition, health, religion, culture.

Shanghai on Vimeo

First portion of the video, with tall round ball of the purple Pearl Tower, are of Pudong (Poo-dong). Pudong is on one side of the Huangpu River, which is the snaking river you see in the foreground.

When we lived there, we lived on that side of the river in a high rise. The government prepared the Pudong side as a testament to China's new modernity, evicting all of the long time residents, demolishing all of the apartment buildings, and building shiny new ones in it's place. Shiny high-rise gravestones. Incidentally, this is how change happens in China. Since the Cultural Revolution there ...an ethic of advancement over people.

The second portion of the video is of the Puxi (Poo-shee) side of the river, where some of the older architecture has been preserved. the tourist market is there.

 http://vimeo.com/63635193