Turning Toward

Based on just a few factors, psychologist John Gottman can predict with up to 94 percent certainty whether a marriage will succeed or fail. Changing your mindset and behavior in a few ways changes everything.

I read this fascinating and concise article a couple of years ago and reading it again has been a good exercise for me.

"He invited 130 newlywed couples to spend the day at this retreat and watched them as they did what couples normally do on vacation: cook, clean, listen to music, eat, chat, and hang out. And Gottman made a critical discovery in this study—one that gets at the heart of why some relationships thrive while others languish."

The Masters of Love

Country Romance

Love these two pretty songs about real, grown up romance.

Remember When -- Alan Jackson

Something That We Do -- Clint Black

Flotsam and Jetsam

Huge crack develops in Wyoming visible in earth in week(s) due to water saturation (CBS Denver)

Death of Ken Taylor, brave Canadian diplomat who rescued American's during Iranian hostage crisis (LA Times) (Trust Hollywood to never tamper with a good story -- ahem)

One useful perspective on packing Samaritan's Purse Christmas shoeboxes for kids in other cultures -- from missionary who is there when they are received. (blog)

Two liberal writers every conservative should read (Washington Examiner).
And Galston's article on poverty. The Poverty Cure (WSJ)

Fine China, Fat Televisions, and Ordinary Coffee

My sister-in-law sent me this poem, and I love it.

My Grandparents’ Generation

by Faith Shearin

They are taking so many things with them:
their sewing machines and fine china,

their ability to fold a newspaper
with one hand and swat a fly.

They are taking their rotary telephones,
and fat televisions, and knitting needles,

their cast iron frying pans, and Tupperware.
They are packing away the picnics

and perambulators, the wagons
and church socials. They are wrapped in

lipstick and big band music, dressed
in recipes. Buried with them: bathtubs

with feet, front porches, dogs without leashes.
These are the people who raised me

and now I am left behind in
a world without paper letters,

a place where the phone
has grown as eager as a weed.

I am going to miss their attics,
their ordinary coffee, their chicken

fried in lard. I would give anything
to be ten again, up late with them

in that cottage by the river, buying
Marvin Gardens and passing go,

collecting two hundred dollars.

“My Grandparents’ Generation” by Faith Shearin from Telling the Bees. © Stephen F. Austin State University Press, 2015. Reprinted with permission.  (buy now)

One Critique of "Courtship:" Or, Why DO We Have to Go Steady?

Mid-century (as in non-"courtship") American dating practices can remove heavy pressure and unwholesome emotional intensity in dating, and promote young people gaining wisdom and knowledge about the kind of person they should marry. This guys asks -- what about the good, old-fashioned casual date of a movie and ice cream? (Remember Elisabeth and Jim Elliot and their "coke dates"?)

How "Courtship" Is Flawed

Something Good Happened in Russia

A report from the Russian Orthodox Church on an international gathering of government officials, clergy, and others: "International Forum on the Large Family and the Future of Humanity" 

'Addressing the forum, Patriarch Kirill said in particular, “The large family is a phenomenon that influences very many because the large family is an example of how people build a very solid community by dedicating their life to others. The large and healthy family is a factor defining the moral health of the whole society. That is my profound conviction and for this reason I support all the events and the program which you have carried out in cooperation with like-minded people from many countries of the world”.

In his speech, Metropolitan Hilarion stated a demographic crisis in Russia and Europe caused among other things by the crisis of the family, “especially the crisis of the large family. The life of a large family in today’s Russia is an everyday hard work and feat; it is a life against all the patterns of a society of comfort”. Among the acute problems impeding the preservation of moral family climate in Russia is an enormous number of abortions. Metropolitan Hilarion called for solidarity of all religious confessions and all people of good will in the efforts “to safeguard the family against challenges of the secular world thus protecting our future."'

How High Is the Divorce Rate among Practicing Religious People?

Bears repeating, in case you missed it -- a correction to a common misconception.

Gospel Coalition fact checker on Divorce

Divorce stat article by same author at "Church Leaders" site

Global Views of Morality

Interesting, country-by-country breakdown of what people see as moral vs. non-moral issues. (A family member found this article and I am re-posting.)

LINK

Ephesians 5 Continues the Scripture-Long Description of Marriage

It's not as if God's idea of marriage comes up for the first time in the New Testament letters of Paul. But Ephesians does paint a gorgeously descriptive and clear picture of how we may walk in the way of love, pleasing God and avoiding the darkness in the way we express ourselves, sexually, in our relationships, and even in how we talk. 

And what a beautiful story we may tell about Christ and the Church in the way we conduct ourselves, husband and wife, maritally.

Paul even produces or repeats a little poem about the Lord shining on those who awake from their sleep and rise from the dead. 

Would we diminish the fragrant sacrifice? Would we step away from that bright glowing circle, that warming fire of the light of salvation, and embrace the cold and dark instead?

(Cut and pasted from Bible Gateway)

Ephesians 5

New International Version (NIV)

5 1 Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children 2 and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. 4 Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. 5 For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a person is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.[a] 6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient. 7 Therefore do not be partners with them.
8 For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light 9 (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) 10 and find out what pleases the Lord. 11 Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. 12 It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. 13 But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light.14 This is why it is said:

“Wake up, sleeper,
    rise from the dead,    
and Christ will shine on you.”

15 Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. 17 Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. 18 Do not get drunk on wine,which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, 19 speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, 20 always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Instructions for Christian Households

21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy,cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[c] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

CHARLIE PEACOCK, "IN THE LIGHT"

Not Alone: Plenary and Breakout Session Summaries

God with Us (cont.)

The Christian Counseling and Education Foundation’s (CCEF) conference two weekends ago centered on the theme, “Not Alone.” The mission of CCEF is to “restore Christ to counseling and restore counseling to the church.”

In this age (as in every other), despite twitter and telephones, people find themselves feeling isolated, lonely, and adrift from God and their community. This is true for married and single people, men and women, children and adults.

But God is a personal and intimate companion; he came right alongside us in his incarnation. The force and focus of the weekend was for us to reach out and model Christ’s companionship to others (family, friends, co-workers, clients).

David and I attended all but one of the main sessions and many of the breakout sessions, so I thought it might be best to just share a paraphrase of each session I attended. (I attended Winston Smith's talk -- he has a delightful, dry sense of humor -- but I didn't take notes so his talk is not summarized.) After the conference, I felt spiritually and emotionally refreshed from hearing experienced biblical counselors teach and exhort us about relationship – God’s relationship with me and my relationship with others. (I was also physically refreshed by the Cajun food truck, but that is another blog.)

For me, the conference called to my mind Isaiah’s description of the coming Messiah as “Immanuel: God with us.” Indeed much of the conference centered on the person and work of the incarnate Jesus Christ. From him we understand ourselves and others, so that we can counsel and minister personally and effectively.

We enter into others' lives as Christ did in the following ways:

We are builders (David Powlison): “Every relationship is intentional.” Every interaction we have with other image-bearers -- whether that interaction is small or great, light or deep, glancing or permanent -- is either building bridges or building walls. How we speak to people, even in casual and light conversations (which are not bad), either sends the message that we wish to build a bridge to someone or that we wish to wall them off. (And don't do that thing we all do, where a person opens up about something, and your response is to tell them a story about yourself. You feel you are connecting...but you are shutting people down.)

We are Christ-modelers (Elyse Fitzpatrick): Christ entered into humanity, laboring and living in an obscure “hick town” before his public ministry, pleasing his Father in all of his daily activities, from the most mundane daily labor to his glorious resurrection. He did not despise his body, but he joined in the human experience, yet without sin. We are called to be like him: to enter into the lives of others, to listen, and show them Christ. Do not scorn the mundane, but embrace it by serving God even in the everyday, as Christ did.

We are dialoguers (Julie Lowe): As parents, do you value compliance more than engagement with your children? Are you daily seeking to be in dialogue and conversation with them? Do you speak of and reflect on the delights of living as much as the disciplines of living? Finally -- Do you require of yourself what you require of them?

We are listeners (Ed Welch): Do you seek to ask meaningful and probing questions in order to enter into the lives of others, both their triumphs and joys and their failures and sufferings? Our demeanor and perspective, in the joys and the trials, should be, “Tell me more. Give me the details. How can I pray for you?” 

We are reconcilers (Cecilia Bernhardt): God uses conflict to foster character in his saints, and he intends for conflict to draw us closer to him and to each other. We tend to begin conflicts with an eye towards self-service, but, if we see Jesus, we can change that to having an eye towards God’s reality in the situation. If we are interested in God’s truth, we can face conflict with humility rather than self-service.

We are affirmers (Aaron Sironi): The model and command of Scripture is not to flatter, but “to be alert for what God considers good.” (Eg: Jesus with Nathaniel and the centurion, Proverbs 31, Romans 8.) If we only see and verbalize what is wrong in people and situations, we need to repent. God himself condescends to commend a motley group of saints in Hebrews 11 (Gideon, Samson, etc). It is not enough to think and notice good things; we must verbalize those things.

In closing, this conference was replete with wise counsel, challenging our perspectives and exhorting us to truly engage with people in their need.

The basis and foundation of all of the teaching was Jesus Christ’s finished work in life and death and resurrection, and his example of how to enter in and truly love others intimately and personally.

How do we know that we are not alone? By looking at him and his incarnation.

How do we know how to love others and come alongside them? By learning from him, who entered into humanity and who intercedes for us.

Colossians 1:3-8 “We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you, since we heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love that you have for all the saints, because of the hope laid up for you in heaven.”